Failure

On Thursday, I failed miserably. I made the post (maybe even the day before) about acknowledging who you work for as a form of developing peace in hard situations at work. In my business, it is all about billable hours. From those billable hours, we have future schedules which determine our potential utilization from the year. Up until this past week, I has #3 out of 33 people in terms of future billable hours potential. That being said, I did not do anything to necessarily deserve that over them, but it made me safe from layoffs.

I found out on Thursday that my hours were going to be reduced by half on my major client due to budget cuts from wanting to reduce the cost to the client. I think coupled that with people getting let go this week, and the fact that my other client might not even be a client due to the economy.

So I found myself looking at my schedule to find myself not #3, but potentially #30 if a few things fell the wrong way. I completely freaked out. I was scared, angry, insulted, confused, and the list goes on and on. This is exactly why that when if at anytime someone says something about me being a good christian or something of that nature, I feel the need to correct them. I know of other people that I feel that I can say are warriors of Christ, but I'm not there yet. I'm working on it though.

This also throws a wrench into the plans for the fall. My schedule is now wide open, so now I could get picked up on a client that requires me to work a lot in the fall. Ha, I guess it could also mean that I have nothing else to do but sit in the office and study.

I don't know if it is wise to think this way, but work is not going to stop me. All of the battles that I evolve or continue in fighting may make us want to lock ourselves in our rooms where it is safe, but we have to keep going.

I didn’t come lookin’ for trouble
And I don’t want to fight needlessly
But I’m not gonna hide in a bubble
If trouble comes for me
I can feel my heart beating faster
I can tell something’s coming down
But if it’s gonna make me grow stronger then…

Now, maybe you’re thinkin’ I’m crazy
And maybe I need to explain some things
‘Cause I know I’ve got an enemy waiting
Who wants to bring me pain
But what he never seems to remember
What he means for evil God works for good
So I will not retreat or surrender

Now, I don’t want to sound like some hero
‘Cause it’s God alone that my hope is in
But I’m not gonna run from the very things
That would drive me closer to Him
So bring it on

Bring it on
Let the lightning flash, let the thunder roll, let the storm winds blow
Bring it on
Let the trouble come, let the hard rain fall, let it make me strong
Bring it on